Sorry/Not Sorry

I’ve been on my health journey since the end of August. In that time I’ve learned a LOT about why I eat certain things and why other things are so much better for me to eat. I’ve embraced the journey, because I want to feel as good as I do when I eat the right things, but sometimes…

Ok, really sometimes food just looks so good! OR I’ve had a bad day. OR I deserve it! Let’s be real, the majority of people reading this have said or thought these things. I think I’d find it hard to believe that there is someone in our country, that is so filled with abundance, that hasn’t thought or felt this way about food. We have so much of it and have made so much of life about it. Celebrating a birthday or graduation, great let’s share a meal. Celebrating a change in careers, great let’s have cake. Celebrating that you made it through the day without yelling at your students, great let’s stop for a treat. Our minds and eyes tell us it’s ok so we indulge.

For the longest time in my health journey I wasn’t really on a journey. I was on a stop at each temptation and live there. I’d think some of the above things and despite what “diet” I was on at the time I would stop, indulge, and then figure well I’ve gotten off the path I might as well just stay here and live this way again for awhile. Eventually, my mind and body would decide it was time to leave that place, but the journey to the text pit stop was usually not very long.

Then I finally found a plan that made sense. A plan that explained and showed me that eating the foods that are filled with the right nutrients, vitamins and minerals makes my body (even though still overweight) feel incredible. To wake up with energy, and to go to bed while tired from a day of work or movement tired but not feeling sick. Then even crazier to wake up the next day not hurting or frustrated. This plan also should be that food is not the reward I want anymore. I want to be able to take an extra walk after work, to spend time enjoying the company of family and friends and not always needing that extra treat. I want to be continuing down the path of my journey daily.

That’s not to say I can never stop at the road side stand of this journey for a treat here and there. I absolutely can. A healthy lifestyle is about choices. Yes, I can have that piece of chocolate, or that piece of cake. Yet those treats don’t control what I have next. The next time I need to eat or want to eat I can choose to fill my body differently with foods that make a difference. So in the last 8 months I have had a treat here and there, but each time it was because I was completely aware of my quick stop along the road and that I also knew I could and would chose for it to be a quick stop.

The problem is old habits are right there waiting to see if you are going to remember what your mind is learning. So as stress and celebrations have piled on in the last few weeks those quick stops have appeared closer and closer together. I knew each time that I was in complete control and that I could say yes or no to each thing offered. I also knew that the choices I make would slow down my journey. Like on a car ride sometimes it’s worth stopping to see something you hadn’t seen before and other times you choose to keep on driving.

My title for this post implies that perhaps I reached an important lesson. Truth is, I did. Yesterday my old habits grabbed hold of my mind and eyes and I stopped. I stopped for the donut in the staff lounge because after all they were the best kind. I stopped for the chocolate covered pretzel, because it was celebrate me day at work. (Literally was as I’m leaving at the end of this year). I stopped for the chocolate a student brought me, because I had already stopped for the other things. Then I stopped for a small glass of wine. I let myself get stuck in the, “well this day has already been bad eating wise so why not just park here and keep eating” mentality.

Today I woke up feeling sluggish. Today I woke up sorry for letting myself park on the side of the road for so long. Today I woke up thankful for the lesson I learned and knowing that treats are fine BUT treats are just that. Little things that we have once in a while not something we eat ALLLLLLLLL day long! Today I woke up knowing that my body does not need to be controlled by what is sitting around tempting me. Today I woke up knowing that I am in control. It doesn’t matter that there is a ton of chocolate sitting in my office, or that there are cookies from the new cookie place that everyone raves about in my fridge. Today I woke up knowing that I want to lose the next 50 lbs that are too much for my body to carry around. Today I woke up knowing that each step I take is a choice so I can choose to walk down the path at a decent speed or I can choose to meander. The choice is completely up to me. Today I woke up knowing that I love feeling good, so why let myself feel otherwise. Today I woke up knowing that as someone who is now working as an independent health coach I need to be honest with myself and with my clients.

There will always be choices down the road that afterwards we feel sorry about. That is true for what we eat as well as other areas of our lives. While I am sorry that I made so many choices that were wrong for me yesterday, I’m not sorry because I learned a little more about myself. I learned that those extra “I deserve it” things are not where I want to live, and that I can choose the right things right now and still call myself a health coach and still say I live a healthy lifestyle.

If I can help you on your health journey please reach out. You don’t have to try and walk the path to a better life on your own.

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